The Garage Sale Syndrome
This past weekend I became immersed in [what I believe to be] a distinctly American experience — The Garage Sale. When broken down to its basics, there is next to no logic involved in this cultural phenomenon.
On one side, you have the Seller.
Here is a person (or a pair of people, in our case) who have decided the following:
- We have accumulated too much worthless or unnecessary clutter in our house.
- We need to dispose of it in any way possible.
- We are just emotionally attached to this crap enough that it is unthinkable to throw it in the garbage.
- It would be nice to make a little bit of cash.
- We’re willing to devote time to gathering; organizing; cleaning; labeling; arranging; and, hopefully, selling these items to perfect strangers in the hope of earning what comes down to about $6.00 an hour.
On the other, you have the Buyers.
These people are a little harder to classify, as they all have their own motivations; but they all share one essential quality. They are willing to wander the streets searching for total strangers to trust to sell them what might be a totally worthless (and, possibly, non-working item) as long as they can pay less than $5.00 for it. These items could be pre-worn clothing, used personal appliances (details on this one withheld for decency’s sake), damaged furniture, out-of-date entertainment media for which playing devices are no longer produced, and (possibly the most disturbing) supplies left behind from dead pets and family.
These two opposing forces come together to partake in the age-old practice of “haggling.” This, in my memory, used to be somewhat enjoyable. A price is set by the seller (this is usually too high for a garage sale, but far below the item’s actual value). The buyer makes an offer, the seller offers a counter-bid, the two come to an agreement and the item is purchased. This is, at least, how things used to occur. I submit a sample conversation for a typical garage sale from the past:
BUYER: “This TV work?”
SELLER: “Absolutely!”
BUYER: “How much you want for it?”
SELLER: “$125”
BUYER: “I’ll give you $4.50.”
SELLER: “This is a perfectly good, expensive TV. I spent $600 for it. $100.”
BUYER: “How about $20?”
SELLER: “$50.”
BUYER: “Final offer – $25”
SELLER: “$40 and no lower”
BUYER: “Okay.”
Obviously, the Buyer always gets the better deal, because the alternate is the Seller needing to cart the [probably worthless piece of trash that used to be a working] TV, but hasn’t been tested for the 16 months it’s collected dust in the garage while rats have been chewing on it’s microchips down to the Hazardous Waste Collection site located 4 cities away. That’s not the point. The point is the game, the interaction, the social mores that are passed down generation to generation that keep our society on track.
But that’s all changed! Here are two conversations held at our recent garage sale in regard to a similar item for sale.
Conversation #1 (early in the morning)
BUYER: “This TV work?”
SELLER: “Absolutely!”
BUYER: “How much you want for it?”
SELLER: “$125”
(The Buyer just stands there.)
SELLER: “Orrrrr… you could make an offer.”
(The Buyer walks away.)
BUYER: (Pathetically calling after Buyer like a jilted lover) I’m flexible!!!!
Conversation #2 (late in the morning)
BUYER: “This TV work?”
SELLER: “Absolutely!”
BUYER: “How much you want for it?”
SELLER: “$125”
BUYER: “$20”
SELLER: “It’s a perfectly good TV! It works. We’re only selling it because we bought a Smart TV, but this is a good TV. I’ll consider $75.
BUYER: “$20”
SELLER: “Work with me here. $50”
BUYER: “$20”
SELLER: “Okay, $20.”
BUYER” “Carry it to my car for me.”
Needless to say, the entire experience tends to be sole crushing and, in the end, pretty much useless. After all, you never get rid of everything! You still end up doing what was, presumedly, the main thing to avoid by holding the garage sale in the first place — loading up your car and taking your crap to the local dump or a donation spot (to allow a worthwhile charity to do the dumping chore for you).
Yes, you can always avoid the effort by using one of the new-fangled sales apps such as OfferUp or Craig’sList, but that is really SO impersonal. They’re really the garage sale equivalent to online dating. Your buyers can simply ghost you on the apps.
At a garage sale, the Seller has the pleasure of having total strangers tell them to their face that their prized possessions are simply not good enough for them to possess.
There’s nothing like face-to-face rejection to cleanse one’s soul (and storage areas).
I have had the experience of a buyer rejecting everything on the driveway and then asking me if there is anything inside my house available for purchase.
BUYER: “I’m looking for a bedroom set with a floor lamp. Can I take a look at yours?”
SELLER: “No. It’s not for sale.”
BUYER: “Can I at least come into your house and look at it?”