RIY – Ruin It Yourself Projects

You are all familiar with the concept of Do It Yourself (DIY) Projects of course. This is where you, the common man or woman tackle household projects without the benefit of a safety net to catch you should you fall. The goal is to fix or adjust something in your possession, large or small, and still have as close to as many fingers as you had when you started (should you begin such a project with less than ten fingers and end up with a complete set of ten or more – please buy a lottery ticket and run for public office.)

As a child, I heard the expression, “Jack of all Trades, Master of None” which I dust off and use often to describe my talents. I was born with a natural inquisitiveness into how things work but not always the same level of how to put things back together again. I’ve had my share of successes in fixing things where I had no clear-cut idea of what I was doing. Many such stories in fact. For example, there was a time we were visiting distant cousins from Israel at their home. The father was sharing with my dad that his electric stove/oven combination just stopped working for no apparent reason. I overheard this and asked, “Can I take a look at it? I can often fix things.” Now to fully appreciate the situation, I was probably the better part of 8 years old as I tried to inculcate a sense of trust in this particular relative’s psyche. I remember him sweetly laughing me off when my supportive dad chimed in. “Amazingly enough, Daryl has a knack for such things!” My distant cousin somewhat reluctantly relented and I had both adults pull the big ole thing away from the wall as I asked for some screwdrivers and pliers. I had the back off the oven in no time and quickly discovered a burned-out circuit board. I advised my incredulous cousin that I bet this circuit board’s replacement would more than likely remedy the problem. He bought the part, replaced it himself and called my dad to thank me for saving him a repair call from a serviceman that surely would have amounted to several hundred dollars. Replacing the part that I specified set him back about only three sawbucks. But enough about my successes, it is my abysmal failures you want to hear about, right?

So here is the epitome of a RIY (ruin-it-yourself) project. You can tell from above that my proud dad trusted me and any abilities I stated as being a fait-accompli. So it was only natural that when dad’s KODAK wind up 8mm camera, an expensive item of yesterday, decided it was tired taking movies of our particular family, dad happily accepted my offer to fix it. I had seen a million ‘exploded diagrams’ where you see a schematic of something mechanical “blown apart” with dotted lines showing each screw, each plated coming out of an object. I presumed that should I take apart this camera as though an ‘exploded diagram’, removing screws but placing them on the carpet facing the holes they came from, it would be a cinch to reassemble post repair. I took that sucker apart, screw by screw, plate by plate, thing-a-ma-jig by do-hicky. Every removal of a part, revealed ten more parts tucked away for removal. With every screw unscrewed, my concern grew as I questioned what I was doing. But, I was committed now as the disassembled parts were intricately but specifically laid before me. Lo and behold, I discovered that the winding spring had been overwound yet not snapped in two. I was able to resolve this problem like the engineering pro I had started to envision myself to be. Daryl, master of the universe.

The sprung spring in place, I looked at the battlefield of screws, latches, gizmos, knobs and springs I had methodically laid before me and dug in to put things back as they were.

OK, these parts look like they certainly go here (or there) but, geeze, does this go in before that other piece over there is re-attached? What does this odd, shaped piece do and why did it not cooperate with my 3D exploded diagram before me on the carpet? With each incorrect placement of a part and its subsequent removal again, I realized the following – I would never return this pile of pieces into anything remotely resembling a movie camera! I was worried to tell my dad what had happened. I started with, “you know that problem with your camera? It was the spring was wound too tightly” I cavalierly espoused. Dad went immediately into paroxysms of prideful euphoria.

“That’s just great Daryl! I am so proud of you!”

But then, the sentiment was doomed when he followed up with the dreaded, “Let me see the camera now my little genius” I was hoping his happiness for me having fixed the initial problem would compensate for the pile of rubble I was ready to pour into my dad’s outstretched hands, that heretofore had been a working camera with a minor problem a repair shop could easily have handled. Needless to say, the outcome was not what any of us imagine nor were pleased with. To my dad’s loving credit, he made light of it saying, “I was due for a new movie camera anyway. You just have given me the motivation required! What a guy my dad was.

Blenders, wristwatches, nothing was safe from my cocksureness. Ultimately, I’ve come to where I am today. Still a lover of ‘fixing’ things. I’d guess my success rate is about 92.5% – not bad odds at that. However, whenever I approached another such undertaking as a child, to fix and or repair, there was more than enough from the peanut gallery reminding me how a movie camera was converted to a pile of metal debris. It was good hearted ribbing but… somewhere inside the mindset of my Jack of all trades brain…. It hurt perhaps… just a little. But nothing that I can’t fix….