Bye Bye Love
(Knock, Knock – Who’s There? Hello Love!)

How many here have been divorced? Hands? Let’s see, one, two, eighteen, three thousand Seventy… (damn – the phone rang and I lost count, I’ve got to start over). Anyway, this is a not so exclusive club apparently. I won’t bore us here with statistics but I do recall as I grew up, depending on the current zeitgeist, the percentage of marriages ending in divorce seemed to march forward with increasing resolve each passing year.

I was raised by my parents who stayed married until they passed away, four years apart from each other. Their 65 years of devotion and childlike playfulness convinced me that theirs was an exemplar of what marriage looked like. I must admit to being somewhat ‘old fashion’ as they say. From an early age I felt it was an inevitability that I would join the ranks of those who join in holy matrimony for the exact duration of ‘til death do us part,’ perhaps give or take a week. My naiveté was not prepared for the concept of ‘forever commitments’ with undisclosed escape clauses. Damn that fine print!

I won’t say anything negative about the woman who decided to leave me. The marriage ended, for reasons that I can only speculate. I think marital Pollyannas, such as myself, are often blind sighted by such inconceivability. After our divorce, my former wife met and married a wonderful man. Today she is not only a mother but a grandmother as well and I am truthfully very happy for her. She is and was a good person and good people deserve happiness – I guess I just wasn’t the right person to provide that. No matter, Pollyannas tend to be pollyannaish and though I never went looking for love, I was always open to the possibility it might find me once again.

There exists I believe, a bulleted dating specification sheet that subconsciously exists on a clipboard hanging on a nail in your brain. We’re not completely aware of its specifics but in broad strokes (no pun intended) we are aware of such desirable attributes of: Kindness, Caring, Funny, Beautiful and, oh yeah must like sex (Sex In Judaism). Come on, you know you like that too! OK… we’ll have to agree to disagree (but you know I’m right!)

I dated quite a lot and had some tenuous relationships along the way. Every relationship was so unique. Now, I am not saying that my dating partners didn’t find fault in me, (let’s face it, It’s not easy to acknowledge perfection as it stands before you in all its Adonis-like glory), but this is my story so here I’ll enumerate some of the colorful dating partner attributes I’ve encountered.

• Nymphomaniacs (good thing)
• Smokers (not a good thing)
• Nymphomaniac smokers (ambivalent – Sex a plus, smoking a minus)
• Actresses/Singers (many)
• Adventure seekers
• Unfaithful cheaters
• Jealousy Addicts
• Suffocators

Suffice it to say, I’ve had my share of experiences since my original heartbreak. It’s been fun, it’s been eye opening and sometimes tiring. An insight I’ve attained though, in so many ways, is this – we are all damaged, at least a bit (Don’t fret because this is what makes us human!) Whether from over domineering parents or partners, tragedies from all sorts of means (health, heartache, etc.) or an entry in the ‘other’ column, collectively we have all been hurt innumerous times and yet, with resilience we get back up on a horse and continue towards a beautiful sunset. Some are better horsemen then others though.

And sometime, someplace when you least expect it love meets you and you commit to its beauty with all your shared foibles involved. I met my true love whilst an audience member for a play a couple of friends were in. Little did I know how quickly I would be smitten (smitten-ness can be a gradual process). I witnessed this beautiful breath of sweetness onstage and the play immersing her rapidly fell off my radar and she became the only plane circling the airport. I chanced to speak to her throughout the run of the show as I found myself buying tickets for the remainder of the performances scheduled. Perhaps some of you will say, “such  a dog!” However, through a series of impromptu moments and eventual dates, I found the most wonderful person I could conceive of being with.

We are so different in so many ways. We frustrate each other at various times. But the thing that always brings me to the correct interpretation of what I’ve found is this. Regardless of the window dressing, the blessings of a caring heart, a sensitive heart, a heart in tune to the beauty of the world and saddened by the constant insults to it,  is what I see. I presume and hope she sees the same in me?

So, what is my takeaway here? You are loveable and precious whether you know it or not. Even if your heart has broken into a million jigsaw pieces repeatedly, you just might find love again. If you do, always remind yourself what it was that attracted you to that person originally. They are still that person who you loved at the start, on the deepest of levels. This will get you through the times when you accidentally lock your sweetheart out of the house while she is gardening in the backyard and you go to McDonalds for a shake.